Ever since becoming a mother
I never looked for happiness anymore. Though motherhood is full of ups and downs, having a child is an unforeseen source of endless happiness. A happiness that is so pure and deep that no matter what shit life brings you, the joy that a child brings merits all.
Now, my constant battle is PEACE. I think finding peace in your heart is the greatest struggle in life. I always love and hate this generation. Love because life became easier and more comfortable, hate because of all the things that we see that is unnecessary, but we end up wanting.
From those “goals/achievement” I see in social media, stemmed my constant battle with peace.
As I always see
a lot of mother is struggling saying goodbye to the old life of being single, career driven and financially independent to be a full time stay at home mother, and I was one of them.
It took me 2 years to fully accept that this is motherhood is my season of being SELFLESS, of letting go, of focusing with family and of being dependent on my partner.
We are not rich
we are just comfortable, so sometimes when there’s an opportunity that comes knocking on my door such as a job offer, it disrupts my peace. My mind starts running wild, keep thinking of what if’s and what nots, worrying constantly if what I am doing is right. I kept thinking, I can get a yaya and I can work, my salary at work can be used for our savings, for our future car, and for our future house!
I get excited but when I think of leaving my child to someone I barely know, I get cold feet.
The last job offer I had was 2 months ago and it did not really shake me anymore because I learned to accept and LOVE MY DISPOSITION IN LIFE.
What does disposition mean? It says in the dictionary,
“The way in which something is placed or arranged, especially in relation to other things”
In my case, I define it as “where YOU ARE now at the moment is the best place where YOU should be that will make YOU nearer to YOUR DREAM”
So when I realized my disposition in my life at the moment, I began taking things lightly and started loving life more.
- I realized that where you are now doesn’t mean you are stuck, it just means we are where we are supposed to be.
- I realized that the missed opportunities will be there again knocking in your doorstep but in a different form.
- I realized that all of us has our own season. Season to win, season to lose, season to lead and season to surrender.
- I realized that LIFE IS NOT A RACE. Who said there was a finish line? Where is it?
- I realized that life is complex and WE CAN’T FIGURE THINGS OUT. So why worry?
- I realized that happiness is just around the corner, we just need to change the way we look at things.
- I realized that there’s a gift in every delay. You will know one day for sure.
- I realized that what you think you need, is not really what you need at the moment. You just need to trust the perfect timing.
With all the things that I realized and, by acknowledging and accepting my disposition in life, I became more confident with the future. I stopped worrying and I stopped sweating the small stuff. I learned to take life day by day, rejoiced in simple things and never took things for granted.
I trust that I am in the right position, not near where I want to be but confident that I am on my way. Then, the peace came pouring in. I never lost my peace anymore, it sometimes get shaken but once you figured your disposition, peace is right by your side all the time and will never leave you.
That’s why, having realized your disposition in life, is a step closer to having peace in your heart. Go on, have a walk, take a vacation and talk to yourself and ask, where am I? Am I in the place where I am supposed to be in order to get the future you want?