Motherhood, Realizations

Learning Your Disposition in Life: A Step to Becoming At Peace

Ever since becoming a mother

I never looked for happiness anymore. Though motherhood is full of ups and downs, having a child is an unforeseen source of endless happiness. A happiness that is so pure and deep that no matter what shit life brings you, the joy that a child brings merits all.

Now, my constant battle is PEACE. I think finding peace in your heart is the greatest struggle in life. I always love and hate this generation. Love because life became easier and more comfortable, hate because of all the things that we see that is unnecessary, but we end up wanting.

From those “goals/achievement” I see in social media, stemmed my constant battle with peace.

As I always see

a lot of mother is struggling saying goodbye to the old life of being single, career driven and financially independent to be a full time stay at home mother, and I was one of them.

It took me 2 years to fully accept that this is motherhood is my season of being SELFLESS, of letting go, of focusing with family and of being dependent on my partner.

We are not rich

we are just comfortable, so sometimes when there’s an opportunity that comes knocking on my door such as a job offer, it disrupts my peace. My mind starts running wild, keep thinking of what if’s and what nots, worrying constantly if what I am doing is right. I kept thinking, I can get a yaya and I can work, my salary at work can be used for our savings, for our future car, and for our future house!

I get excited but when I think of leaving my child to someone I barely know, I get cold feet.

The last job offer I had was 2 months ago and it did not really shake me anymore because I learned to accept and LOVE MY DISPOSITION IN LIFE.

What does disposition mean? It says in the dictionary,

“The way in which something is placed or arranged, especially in relation to other things”

In my case, I define it as “where YOU ARE  now at the moment is the best place where YOU should be that will make YOU nearer to YOUR DREAM”

So when I realized my disposition in my life at the moment, I began taking things lightly and started loving life more.

  1. I realized that where you are now doesn’t mean you are stuck, it just means we are where we are supposed to be.
  2.  I realized that the missed opportunities will be there again knocking in your doorstep but in a different form.
  3. I realized that all of us has our own season. Season to win, season to lose, season to lead and season to surrender.
  4. I realized that LIFE IS NOT A RACE. Who said there was a finish line? Where is it?
  5. I realized that life is complex and WE CAN’T FIGURE THINGS OUT. So why worry?
  6. I realized that happiness is just around the corner, we just need to change the way we look at things.
  7. I realized that there’s a gift in every delay. You will know one day for sure.
  8. I realized that what you think you need, is not really what you need at the moment. You just need to trust the perfect timing.

With all the things that I realized and, by acknowledging and accepting my disposition in life, I became more confident with the future. I stopped worrying and I stopped sweating the small stuff. I learned to take life day by day, rejoiced in simple things and never took things for granted.

I trust that I am in the right position, not near where I want to be but confident that I am on my way. Then, the peace came pouring in. I never lost my peace anymore, it sometimes get shaken but once you figured your disposition, peace is right by your side all the time and will never leave you.

That’s why, having realized your disposition in life, is a step closer to having peace in your heart. Go on, have a walk, take a vacation and talk to yourself and ask, where am I? Am I in the place where I am supposed to be in order to get the future you want?

If you are there, then be thankful and enjoy life. If you are still navigating, don’t worry, tomorrow is another day to look for your place in the world! Live life to the fullest!


Don’t worry it’s okay to be sad

Lately, after the traumatic thing that happened to my son and I

I often feel an emotion that left me for a long time and now it’s back, sadness. I do not welcome the feeling, but I try to “sulk” in it because it needs to be felt, as every emotion needs to be. If it was 4 years ago, when this sadness hits me, you’ll see me in the club partying and drinking the night away. Obviously, this time, I can’t do that, who would take care of Inigo right?

When motherhood came, a lot of things had changed and the best thing that happened to me through this stage is RECOGNIZING EMOTIONS and SIFTING THROUGH IT.

My partner Rene taught me a lot, mostly on how to stop running away from everything. He talks to me through my emotions, sometimes it’s irritating but the end does justify the means when we go through my many forms of explosive emotions. He also taught me that we should THINK THROUGH OUR EMOTIONS. Meaning, we feel the emotion fully, let it sulk in, then ask ourselves why we feel this way, through that, we get answers we’ve been looking for and raise our awareness.

So here I am,

while sifting through emotions, (because I already recognized and sulked in it for around 2 days on and off) I wanted to share it to you. I wanted people to know that it’s okay to be sad, and this emotion is the best one to CENTERS/BALANCES us. The reality we are living is too fast that sometimes we lose our balance and we forget what’s our priority. Feeling this emotion in a healthy and safe capacity, makes us more grounded, more of ourselves and resilient.

 I have been questioning myself multiple times,

why? Why am I sad? What’s happening? The traumatic experience that I had for the last few weeks, I am not ready to share it yet, but I lost valuable things in life. I lost my confidence and I lost the chance for my son to be able to get into our dream school. I think the latter part really ignited the sadness in my heart. Sometimes, they say that sadness is a result of other feelings such as anger, stress, guilt, anxiety and hopelessness, and in my case, it must be true. I feel angry for myself, for being too complacent. I feel stressed because my little one’s overall state was compromised. I feel guilty for being irresponsible. I feel anxious because I don’t know what will tomorrow bring. I feel hopeless, for finding someone who I can trust again. Wow. Now that I have enumerated what happened in a logical manner, wherein I connected the dots inside my head, do I feel lighter!

I  don’t know when I will be 100% okay,

but I know for a fact, that emotions are there and later they’re not there! So here I am, knowing that fact that our moods/emotions are temporary, I feel better! I feel optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day for me and for you!

Recognising the sadness and sifting through my emotions really helps me become a better person, because it’s the key to overall wellbeing. We need to learn how to recognize emotions and sift the best things that we can bring to our future and leave the bad things in the past and just learn from it. I was always described as a woman with pure soul. I always took that as the greatest compliment and I think the key to having a pure soul is to never carry the negativity and never hold any grudges to anyone. I believe in Karma and I believe that everything happens for a reason. So when things get a sour turn, just think that this is what we need and this will help us become the person we are destined to be!

I hope that you learn from me a thing or two that might help you in the future! Have a week of fortunate events to you!

Single Parent

Single Parent Struggles: Starting to doubt yourself

Are you a single parent in any sense? Be it you are separated, widowed or raising your kids alone because your partner is an OFW?

I am a single parent

because my husband works in Australia and we see him only once every  2 years. I really did not see anything hard at first when I started living in Manila with my little boy alone. I had no help and only relies on stay out helpers to make the house look tidy and neat.

Until one day,

a series of unfortunate events happened to me. My helper took our money that I really wanted to seek justice, while seeking justice in the right way, my son took a fall and chipped his tooth.

It was really traumatizing for me and for the first time in my 31 months of being a mother, it dawned to me, that I am a single parent and it’s really hard.


I did not see myself as an inadequate to my son’s needs but that time, while we were rushing to the hospital while Inigo is crying and bleeding, I felt so helpless. It was around 12 midnight and I did not know who to call or how to call because I had a dead battery.

I cried my eyes out while seeing Inigo covered in blood and in pain because he accidentally fell on the stairs in the police station. I kept on praying that God will take away the pain from him, crying while writing down on the hospital information sheet. Everyone was looking, I tried to keep on my composure, but I really can’t. It was already a tiring day, lost Php 30,000 and Inigo’s hurt. I held on to my baby while trying to calm him and myself and for the first time.


I wished my partner was here so badly. Iba pa din eh.


In times like this, when you do not know what to do or you feel so hopeless, a physical body beside you would be enough to calm your nerves, even without saying a word. That was my only taught the whole time we were in the hospital, to be able to be with him forever, for the sake of our family. I guess that’s the reason why God made us like this, that in order to have a baby, a woman and a man needs to have it. He knows that both are needed to raise a child.

I never questioned his plans for us, but that time that I was so scared for Inigo’s health, I questioned OUR DECISION as parents.

We are not rich, but we are lucky that we have family that helps us in time of need. We can choose to stay here together, both work and choose to leave Inigo in the trust of yaya but we choose to the other way around.

We believe that a baby needs more attention, care and love from the parents more than anything else during his formative years. Imagining the situation of travelling 2-3 hours a day plus 10 hours of work is already 13 hours lost with our son, we both don’t want to have the missed opportunity with our child.

So we have arrived to the decision that Rene will leave to Australia because there, he can earn how much we will both earn here while securing the future and making sure that Inigo is with me 24/7.


Ever since he left, I had no doubts with our decision until the recent accident because for the first time, it was my lowest point as a parent and I surrender.

But you know what? No road is smooth sailing and questioning your disposition in life is normal when you are doing the best for your family.


So, to all the single parents out there, when facing a difficulty or in doubt of their decisions in life.


All of this is just a bump on the journey towards the life we want to give to our precious ones. It’s okay to cry but make sure that you’ll stand up again because your baby needs you, two times more. It’s hard to be a mother and a father at the same time, but this will make us stronger, wiser and more adaptable.


Keep facing the world with your beautiful soul and proudly wear your scars because it makes us more human!

Burnt out
Motherhood, Realizations

An open letter to the Burnt Out Mommy

I know you love motherhood but sometimes it is really exhausting and it’s okay to admit it is.

Times had changed and being a mother is not the only thing a woman want.

We want to be something else too while being a mother.

Our heart is telling us to be content with being a mother but our mind is also telling us, wait girl, we can do more than that!

Our situation tells us that we can not leave our tiny little babies to any other people but our desire is to have a mom-cation just for 2-4 hours is always there.

Our needs tells us that we have more than enough but our wants tells us we can have more.

Our body tells us that we need to eat more to keep our energy high as our toddler but our diet tells us “oh no you don’t”.

Our time tells us we don’t have time for anything else but our curiosity tells us otherwise.

Our season tells us that we should enjoy all the phase of motherhood but our inner fierce lioness want to break the stereotypes.

There are a lot of battles and demons we fight everyday that no one knows about, because we are afraid to be judged, to be criticized or to be told otherwise.

We keep it to ourselves to the point where our everyday life is affected and we blame it to the stress or tiredness of being a mother.

We keep our battles inside to the point that the pain, anxiety, worries never gets healed or answered.

We get so diverted with the needs of everyone us that we disregard our own needs, thinking that our family need us more than we need to heal ourselves.

These battles are the battles that we fight during the wee hours of the night alone, while everyone thinks we waste our time scrolling in social media, we actually talk to our self, internalize and look for things that will help us get better without trying to get help, because we know who we are, strong independent mommas!

But you know what? There will come a time and we will explode and after that, what happens?

The sudden burst of suppressed emotions is so overwhelming because you really don’t know where it started thus it’s really hard to solve.

You don’t know where to start!

You start feeling exhausted and no comfort food can even make you feel refreshed.

You feel you need sleep even though you slept for good 6-8 hours.

You feel that you are existing but not living.

You feel that this is the life? Is this really it?

You feel so sad yet thankful for the life you have.

You feel guilty for feeling this way.

You feel that it’s unfair for your child for you to feel this way because he is so innocent and brings you so much joy.

But what can we do?


Mommy, you are not alone.

I am a mommy too and I don’t know what to do too.

I want to reset, i want to be better, i want to be the best mom to my son but there are BAD DAYS.

Wherein you just cant seem to be yourself.

I guess because motherhood is often overwhelming that we usually fall off from the fast paced journey.

Do not worry mommy, these DARK AND BAD DAYS will pass too.

Hold on to the promise that tomorrow is always a chance for us to be better, for the feelings to get lighter and for our situation to get better.

Do not give up, do not lose hope, because our family is counting on us!

Coffee Grinds

What to do with your Used Coffee Grinds?

I love coffee whether it’s from the coffee shop, canned, from a vendo machine, 3-in-one, coffee press or coffee filter! When you see my pantry, I might run out of rice but of coffee! Recently, I have been drinking coffee from the coffee press and every time I wash it, I feel that the used coffee grinds can be used more in different ways.

Here are some proven and tested ways to use your used coffee:

  1. Fertilize your plants

This is done by my partner every day when we still lived together. In his apartment, the soil is so fertile that when he throws seeds, without any effort, it will grow within 2-3 months! Or baka green thumb lang din siya no?

  1. Body or Foot Scrub

This is my favorite! I do this twice a week with my coffee grinds! Go to the shower with your used coffee grounds, wet your body and get an ample amount of it and scrub! My Moroccan friend believes that this scrub helps lessen the cellulites! I don’t have cellulites but believe me, it exfoliates and softens your skin just as same as the other branded scrub does!

  1. Facial Scrub

I just used this last time and it worked perfectly! I just counted 20 seconds to achieve the exfoliation, but never do more than 20 seconds because it can be too abrasive. I had an instant glow and I had to post it in Facebook so everyone can know a secret that is really cheap.

  1. Refrigerator Deodorizer

I am so lazy that I just put it in a jar, cover it with cling wrap, and poke holes using a toothpick. CHARAN! Instant deodorizer!

So always make sure to store your coffee grinds, you will never know who will need a scrub in your house! Hahaha.


Why I stopped bringing my phone in the Playground

Inigo and I always go down to the condo’s playground around 5pm for his socializing time. Usually I bring my laptop, use that free time to write my blog and bring my phone to take pictures of Inigo to send it to our loved ones living abroad. This time, I chose not to bring my phone and laptop for a change. It was a nice, peaceful and awakening experience for me to be AWAY from technology. We all know that technology is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because it brings people away near, and a curse for making people away when near.

While I was enjoying everything that was happening that moment where I was physically, emotionally and mentally present, a lot of realizations came through.

  1. When you are away from technology, YOU ARE UNAWARE OF TIME:

It’s such a liberating feeling wherein you are not always checking how many minutes have gone, how much time you have remaining until it’s time to cook for dinner, how much time you’ve spent that you could have spent cleaning the house instead. It’s so pleasant not to think about what you’ve missed, what you’ll be doing instead and just focus on the moment without the any worries. In life where we are always doing something because time is limited, it’s nice to stop caring about time and let time run while you enjoy the finer things in life; creating memories with your child.

  1. When you are away from technology, YOU GET TO KNOW YOU CHILD BETTER:

When we are not busy fondling with our phones, we kind of observe everything up to the smallest details of everything. We observe how our child’s eyes sparkle every time they see us waiting for them to slide, we see how carefree they can be knowing we are there, we can see how they grin from ear to ear when we are running after them, and we can see how much they’ve grown. Time flies fast and nothing is better than embedding these kinds of heartwarming event that no matter how simple or small is still one of the experiences only motherhood can bring.

  1. When you are away from technology, YOU FEEL MORE GRATEFUL:

Social media has its way of making us feel less. Though we might have pretty shoes, it somehow makes us feel that hers is better. Without access to these kinds of technology, we appreciate little things more. We appreciate what a good day it is to be with our son. We are thankful that we are here in the moment seeing our child laugh, smile, run, stare, and talk, when we usually take it for granted.

  1. When you are away from technology, YOU BECOME ONE WITH NATURE:

With nothing hindering us from wondering with the nature, we became one with it. We breathe the air, we see the sky and we feel the earth. This is a rare thing that happens in our everyday life when we are busy attending to our needs and busy running after time. We usually take this for granted until we have this time to see all of nature’s beauty.

  1. When you are away from technology, YOU ARE TOTALLY PRESENT:

Everyone wanders in different forms, some wanders thru physical, some wanders thru mental. I am guilty that even though sometimes I am present in the moment, my mind is drifting. Though I am there taking care of my son’s needs, my mind is already upstairs checking the fridge and thinking what I can cook out of the available items. When we are away from our phone, our minds usually focuses on the moment and totally immerse ourselves in the present.

  1. When you are away from technology, YOU CAN CONCENTRATE MORE ON HONING YOUR CHILD’s CHARACTER

In building child’s character, every moment is important, every turning point is crucial and everything he sees or experiences greatly affects his perception in life. When dealing with a child, it is important that we are there to guide them because they don’t know what is right or wrong. being a stay at home mom gives me the advantage to spend more time with him

  1. When we are away from technology, YOU CAN SAVE YOUR CHILD FROM ANY KIND OF ACCIDENT:

Accidents often happen in a split second. What if you have your phone with you and it suddenly rings and you were too busy looking for it. Will you be able to notice that your baby accidentally trips on the slide?

Upon realizing these, I never bring my phone anymore when we are in the playground. Our time together got more meaningful. My mind was more at peace. I really recommend trying to detach from technology as much as we since it will be both beneficial for you and your baby.

Stay at home mom

Why It’s Harder to Be A Stay At Home Mom

I often wonder why during the last generation, stay at home mothers were the norms. Everyone thinks that when a girl marries, she needs to give up everything and surrender their lives to being a wife and a mother. It was the only way to live back then and also a way of status symbol. If your husband can support your family without you working, it automatically brings you to middle class portion of the society we live.

Then here comes this generation, a generation full of breaking the traditions and pushing  boundaries that our elders built for the last years. We became more conscious of our gender’s position in this patriarchal society. We females, become more observant that we noticed what’s right from wrong, what’s just and unfair, what’s should be and should not be in this world. We kept on fighting for equality, for independence and for our rights.

So yeah, this is just the tip of the iceberg why it’s becoming harder to be just a stay at home. As a millennial myself, who was not ready for motherhood, here are the top reason why transitioning to a stay at home mother was slower:


  1. We lose our Identitystay at home mom

We were raised to be the best version of ourselves. Our family put a hard emphasis on the importance of attaining diploma and the value of having your own career. They become proud of you when you achieve something in regards with education, for example, its starts with your first medal, your first competition and so the lists goes on. All our life we were identified as someone’s daughter. In our culture, our parents often boasts about what we do for a living, but I never heard someone’s parent boasting that their daughter chose to be the stay at home mom.

  1. We live in a materialistic worldstay at home mom

Back before, the only needs that we need to feel secure were clothing, food and a roof. Nowadays, it’s complicated, that needs, even though met, our society seems to tell us a different story. In these times, we were thought that we need emergency savings, mutual funds, variable insurance, cars and investment in order to say, that we are safe for the future. These pressures that we cannot help but think from time to time makes us harder to leave our source of income.

  1. We have social media accounts
    Stay at home mom

Let’s face it, when you see that your batch mates go to this beautiful place, bought a new house, ate in the best restaurants or just attended the latest DJ concert, you can’t help but compare. Especially when you are there half naked, breastfeeding your son/daughter while feeling ugly as shit. Our brains were somehow wired to be always comparing of other’s achievements, maybe because we were thought in traditional school, that winning is always good. It’s not that we envy what they have, it’s just that, we knew we could’ve done it too, but our child somehow becomes a responsibility that makes us slower in the race called life.


  1. We don’t see the end of itStay at home mom

When we were working, we feel so accomplished at the end of the day. It is because our work entails this and that and then you’re good right? While this motherhood never came with a solution for every problem, someone might have a solution for it, but it doesn’t apply to your own kind of parenting. We often think that we were brought up by career driven woman or a working mom with no choice, and we we’re okay right? So why, now? When everything is accessible and convenient for us to leave the child that being a mother full time is more important? We rarely see the end of the road with parenting 24/7 , that’s why we are always doubtful if we have chosen our priorities wisely.

We live in a modern world that was accustomed to instant gratification. This made us believe that the internet speed limit should always be at top speed, the service of the waiters should be always at it’s best, and the world revolves around our highly set standards.

This world that we are accustomed is very far from motherhood. Motherhood rewards doesn’t show easily. It can only be seen by our heart, sometimes we are lucky to receive sweet kisses and hugs from our little one. They can’t speak yet but in time I know for sure, when I see them reach their best version of their selves with me beside them, I would say that being a stay at home mom is the best decision I ever made.

How about you? Do you find it hard to be a stay at  home mom?